PHILADELPHIA — His father’s cancer diagnosis had come about a month earlier, and days were not getting any easier for Greg Gard.
He struggled, trying to comprehend the brutality of brain cancer. He struggled, watching his mother do the same as she watched her husband suffer. He struggled with the idea of struggling.
Then, in mid-June, his close friend and fellow Wisconsin assistant basketball coach Lamont Paris pulled Gard aside. Paris had lost his father when he was 23 to a heart attack; he understood how suddenly life can change, and how it will never be the same again. Paris’ father never got to see his son coach a game.
“I told him one day he would think about his dad and be able to smile,” Paris told USA TODAY Sports. “I knew that was the furthest thing from his mind right then. We talked about that, and some of the experiences that his dad was able to witness — the births of all three of his children, his grandchildren, to back-to-back Final Fours, everything. All those things he was able to enjoy in his life.
“Some people don’t get that. I didn’t get that — not just the Final Fours, but the life experiences that I didn’t get to share with a loved one.”
To Gard, the conversation brought both a sense of finality, which he wasn’t truly ready to accept either just then.
“I didn’t want to accept what could be the reality of it,” Gard told USA TODAY Sports. “At the time, I didn’t want to hear that. That meant the end was coming for my dad. But I think as I look back through the whole journey with my dad, that little comment I think helped me gain perspective and gain an appreciation for what was about to happen over the next four, five months with my dad. …
“Someone sent me a card after he passed. It said to appreciate the little things because one day you’re going to look back and realize they were the big things. That comment, at the time, I thought was a little thing. But it’s been a big thing.”
Though Gard still chokes up when he talks about his father, the perspective he’s gained allows him to enjoy this basketball season, one that has included him becoming Wisconsin’s head coach, taking over after Bo Ryan resigned in December. Gard earned the permanent job after an astounding second-half turnaround that secured an NCAA tournament bid, an even more impressive achievement considering his mind often floats to the one person who’s not here to see it all.
Still, Gard can smile and enjoy this with these Badgers, who have always embraced him but grabbed hold of him even tighter in October when Glen Gard died. The entire team took a bus 60 miles to Highland, Wis., to attend the funeral.
“They didn’t have to say anything,” Gard said. “I could feel it.”
The same feeling permeates the Wisconsin locker room even now, as the seventh-seeded Badgers prepare to face No. 6 seed Notre Dame in the Sweet 16. It’s yet another underlying feeling of sadness amid a surprisingly successful season — this time centered on Paris.
On March 14, Paris received word that his mother, Kathy Gutierrez, had had a stroke.
“That was the original diagnosis, after they’d done a CT scan,” Paris said. “They were certain at that point. … At the time, it was as grim as I thought it could possibly be.”
Paris immediately went to a hospital in Findlay, Ohio, where his mother lay in critical condition. His two brothers, Marcus and Brian, were there, too. As the Badgers prepared for the NCAA tournament’s first round, Paris agonized over the decision of whether to join the team. He eventually met the team in St. Louis about 24 hours before the Badgers’ game against Pittsburgh.
“She would have wanted me to do it,” Paris said.
About five hours after the team returned to Madison after beating Xavier in the early hours of Monday morning, Paris was back on a plane to Ohio. As it’s turned out, once his mother stabilized a little and doctors were able to do an MRI, they ruled out the stroke. Paris said doctors still aren’t sure what caused his mother’s condition, but that “her body basically went septic.”
“It wasn’t (a stroke), but it’s a host of other problems,” Paris said. “Multiple organ failure, pneumonia, infection. Her breathing has been bad. …
“She’s made some progress. There were some things that took place that I’m so glad I witnessed. She was able to open her eyes and communicate. But she’s still a long way away from being out of the woods.
“To me, I focus on anything positive, and any improvement she’s made. For example, she’s off the ventilator, temporarily at least.”
Paris also has tried to focus on the Wisconsin basketball program, which has embraced him just as it did Gard five months ago. Gard called basketball a “sanctuary” for him back then; Paris echoed the same sentiment.
“It’s been unbelievable, exactly what I needed,” Paris said. “Every team is close and says they’re a family, but it really hits home when you have a situation like this, right when you need it the most.”
Sometimes, it’s just a player putting his arm around Paris. Or just checking in to see how he’s holding up. Or making a joke, anything to get Paris to crack a rare smile.
“To be honest, this is probably one of the only forums I could be in where I could genuinely smile,” Paris said. “Being around this, being around these guys, being in this environment.”
But the pain still seeps into the joy, too; they’re intertwined. Paris described an emotional embrace he shared with Gard after the Badgers beat Xavier on a buzzer-beater to advance to the Sweet 16, recognizing what both of them have gone through, and are still processing. Every day, both coaches remind themselves of that.
“I’ve had an extra assistant coach all year — my guardian angel,” Gard said. “I keep his funeral program in my suit pocket for every game. There are good moments and bad moments. Before games, especially, when I go to put it in and I look at it ...”
Gard’s voice trails off. He changes the subject, but not really, bringing up a new song by country singer Cole Swindell that’s been out out a few months. It’s called You should be here. The lyrics are crushing.
“Same thing, he just makes it big in Nashville and his dad passed away right before it happened,” Gard said. “The video is unbelievable, too. They show him in Nashville, cutting his record. Then they show him at the cemetery.
“I’ve listened to it twice. It’s tough.”
You should be here, standing with your arm around me here.
Cutting up, cracking a cold beer, saying cheers, hey y'all it's sure been a good year.
It's one of those moments, that's got your name written all over it.
And you know that if I had just one wish it'd be that you didn't have to miss this
You should be here.
NCAA TOURNAMENT SWEET 16 TEAMS
