Why do people cheat? A new survey from infidelity site Ashley Madison sheds light on the reason cheaters stray from their marriages.
Sixty-one percent of survey respondents reported that sex is the primary reason they looked outside of their marriages, but other survey responses illustrate the more complex nature of cheating. The survey of 2,018 members of Ashley Madison, a dating website that targets married people who want to date or have affairs, found people are also seeking emotional reassurance like affection (44%) and friendship (42%) outside their primary relationship.
Emily deAyala, a sex therapist at REVIVE Therapy & Healing in Houston, said people expect a lot out of their marriage and when a need isn't being met, they may stray instead of fixing their issues.
"People are very guilty of not nurturing their relationship," deAyala, who is not affiliated with the survey, said. "We fall into patterns and start to neglect aspects of the relationship that are important, and people miss the feelings they had early in the relationship."
She notes that while it's not realistic to have the honeymoon period forever, couples have to actively find ways to "rediscover" each other throughout the relationship, rather than "discovering others."
A 2013 Pew Survey of people in 39 countries found that a median of 79% consider infidelity unacceptable. But while people may not like the idea of cheating, it's undoubtedly happening. Ashley Madison, which caters to married people who want to have an affair, has more than 54 million member accounts worldwide.
The survey found that many married Ashley Madison users are "straying to stay" in their marriages, and cheating only to fill a void. Fifty-one percent said an affair makes them feel more alive and 48% said they felt more desired than in their main relationship.
But while married Ashley Madison users may feel unfulfilled in certain areas of their life, not all cheaters are interested in leaving their spouse. The survey found 54% are only seeking short-term dating, and 50% of respondents said: "they cheat rather than leave their spouse because they love their partner but are just looking for more sexual fulfillment."
DeAyala said people often seek extramarital relationships to "feel alive again" and have the intensity and "energy" of an affair. She notes that if someone really wants to work on their relationship, the same intensity can be found inside a marriage, but it's not easy.
"It takes a lot of work from both people, and that's where a lot of couples struggle," she said.